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"Prue giggled, "The bad news is I'm afraid you'll have to sit to pee for the rest of your life. The good news is I'm afraid you'll have to sit to pee for the rest of your life."Sara rolled her eyes, managing a giggle, and then quipped. "I need some morphine, the pain is already starting."Prue laughed and hugged Sara, her face turning more serious. "Hey, I just want you to know I love you and I'm proud of you and I'll be taking you home as soon as they'll let me."Sara sleepy smiled and said, "Thanks Mummy", before sleep reclaimed her. Prue watched Sara sleep, touched by the sentiment of her friends last words, and then kissed her little angel on the forehead before slipping away to let her rest.Sara didn't return to the dream that night, or any other during her seven-day stay at the hospital. She did remember enough of the dream to share it with Prue, who said it was interesting, but didn't know if it was symbolic of some past/future event or just bad hospital food.Jenna couldn't be. I wonder if I could practice somehow. Maybe go out to bars and see what it felt like to 'be myself', I guess.Ugh.Not long after I found out about masturbation, and then the internet, I discovered stories describing BDSM relationships, and it resonated somewhere deep inside of me. I wanted to be a dominant. I wanted control. But that inequality was so alien to how I was raised that I felt tremendous guilt about it and never told a soul about my desires. The guilt, however great, never stopped me from fantasizing. If I was going to turn over a new leaf, and try to be open and truly honest with my potential partners, I needed to acknowledge this part of me. Let it out, and learn how to engage it.Suddenly I realized what was so terrifying about being myself. I was petrified about letting the dominant part of me out. What if they thought I was sick. What if they laughed. Worst of all, what if I hurt somebody? Jesus. That would destroy me.But I was stuck on the horns of a dilemma. I.
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